midnite ramblings

hello..its 1 am n yet i cant sleep. exam is coming soon but my mind is everywhere.truth is..i miss my husband so bad it hurts. i miss his touch..his tickle..his burp..his whispering of  i love u..

dear Allah..make me strong..give me strengh..im just really sick from missing him.

dearest suami..words cant describe how much im in love with u..


see u real soon abg.

dear blog

dearest blog,
i have planned to shut u down,
when i reach certain point in my life,
it has been an unforgettable journey with u,
thank you :)

im at better checkpoint now :)
perhaps we will meet somewhere, sometimes again.


love,
ejai

girl's lust

i'm lusting over this!
super cool!
i rarely choose black esp when buying shoes, reminded me of those 5 years in high school,
i prefer colours, but black with sequins?
weeee~
please pardon me coz i know this shoes has been on the market for sooo long,
but only now i have made up my mind to grab this pair of converse since my seach for a full pattern converse design failed to make me salivate n dream about it at night.
so u shall wait to be in my arm dear blackie :)
soon, i guess very soon.

terple'ot hujung hujung destinasi.

Baru hari pertama aku keseorangan sekarang..orang-orang lain dah balik, rumah kosong..gelap x bercahaya dah. Diorang pulang pada yang menyayangi, yang murah dengan senyuman dan rasa sunyi mulala menolak hati..untuk orang yg masih bergelut disini (senyum). Entahla, mungkin ada rasa sedih sikit dekat hujung hati walaupon hati kuat untuk kata bertahan.

Aku xlulus exam terakhir untuk tahun ni, sangkut digaris, belum mampu nk melangkah ke petak pengakhiran..tapi xpelah..xde apa yang nak dikesalkan, mungkin ini perancangan yang terbaik untuk aku..kena bersyukur untuk apa apa pon. Waktu aku dapat soalan hari tu, it hits me hard..i cannot do this, i wont be finishing this yet n i wont be home soon, as much as i wanted. REDHA .Itu je yang aku ada pada waktu tuh.

Tahun nih tahun yang memang mencabar setakat bernafas 22 tahun nih, perasaan kacau bilau dek kesedihan dibuang macam sampah dan kegilaan bergelut dengan 20 subjek setahun, exam sebanyak 16 subjek. It was hard, it was damn hard. People say u will get better by time, the heart will heal, with hopefully no scar left. Well, untuk aku..hidup dah 90% menjadi normal dengan kawan2 dan family, tpi ada sisa-sisa 10% , yang xsebanyak mana tpi sisa-sisa ni la yang jadi racun, yang kerap berulang, kerap ditanya, puas tapi x berjumpa jawapan. Pujuk hati : biarkan..biarkan semuanya mati

Tapi Allah itu maha kaya, maha pemurah, maha penyayang, maha adil.. entah macam mana..kalau difikirkan logik akal dengan hidup aku yang berterabur, serasa aku, aku x akan berasa digaris akhir ini, xakan bermimpi untuk ada kekuatan pergi ambik setiap exam dan dipermudahkan lulus setiap satu nya dengan sekali percubaan. Alhamdulillah. Allahu Akbar. 

So untuk kali ini, biar pun fail, aku persoalkan pada hati, layakkah untuk aku bersedih untuk ujian sekecil ini setelah Allah berikan aku pertolongan demi pertolongan. Semacam ayat suci Allah, ayat kegemaran aku :) Kerana aku tahu rezeki aku dah tertulis untuk satu hari nanti, pada masa dan keadaan yang pastinya lebih baik. 

Barangsiapa yang bertakwa kepada Allah nescaya memberinya rezeki dari arah yang tidak disangka-sangka. Dan barangsiapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkan (keperluannya). Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan (yang dikehendakinya). Sesungguhnya Allah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu.

Surah At-Talaq (ayat 3)

So here i am,here in prague, tengah berjuang untuk exam yang xlama lagi perlu dihadapi lagi, dan insyaAllah aku harap ada rezeki kali ni. Terlalu banyak perancangan, terlalu banyak wajah2 yang dirindui, terlalu banyak janji yang perlu dilunasi. So untuk itu, doakan aku tabah, doakan aku baik2 saje, doakan aku x senget sangat xbercakap dgn orang 2 minggu ( hehe ) dan doakan kejayaan aku jugak untuk smpai kegarisan akhir!

Sungguh, tak sabar untuk pulang dan disambut dengan wajah yang tersenyum tanpa syarat :)

bold the fact

• I am a male.
• I am a girl.
• I am shorter than 5’4.
• I think I’m ugly.
• I have many scars.
• I tan easily.
• I wish my hair was a different color. (half blue i wish )
• I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
• I have a tattoo.
• I am self-conscious about my appearance.(sometimes)
• I’ve had braces.
• I wear glasses. (or contact lenses)
• I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
• I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger. (lol)
• I have more than 2 piercings.
• I have piercing in places besides my ears.
• I have freckles.
• I’ve sworn at my parents.
• I’ve run away from home.
• I’ve been kicked out of the house.
• I have a sibling less than one year old.
• I want to have kids someday.
• I’m in school.
• I’ve lost a child.
• I have a job.
• I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
• I almost always do/did my homework.
• I’ve missed a week or more of school.
• I failed more than 1 class last year.
• I’ve stolen something from my job.
• I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
• Disney movies still make me cry.
• I’ve peed from laughing.
• I’ve snorted while laughing
• I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
• I’ve glued my hand to something.
• I’ve had my pants rip in public
• I was born with a disease/impairment.
• I’ve broken a bone.
• I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
• I’ve had my tonsils removed.
• I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
• I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
• I had a serious surgery.
• I’ve had chicken pox.
• I’ve had measles.
• I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
• I’ve been on a plane.
• I’ve been to Canada.
• I’ve been to Mexico.
• I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
• I’ve been to Japan.
• I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
• I’ve been to London.
• I’ve been to Africa.
• I’ve gotten lost in my city.
• I’ve seen a shooting star.
• I’ve wished on a shooting star.(naive me :P)
• I’ve seen a meteor shower.
• I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
• I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
• I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
• I’ve been to a casino.
• I’ve been skydiving.
• I’ve gone skinny dipping.
• I’ve played spin the bottle.
• I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
• I’ve crashed a car.
• I’ve been skiing.
• I’ve been in a play.
• I’ve met someone in person from Facebook.
• I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
• I’ve seen the Northern lights.
• I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
• I’ve played chicken.
• I’ve played a prank on someone.
• I’ve ridden in a taxi.
• I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• I’ve eaten sushi.
• I’ve been snowboarding.
• I’m single.(wonder where is my soulmate now?)
• I’m in a relationship.
• I’m engaged.
• I’m married.
• I’ve gone on a blind date.
• I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
• I miss someone right now.
• I have a fear of abandonment.
• I’ve gotten divorced.
• I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
• I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
• I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
• I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
• I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex
• I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
• I am a cuddler.
• I’ve been kissed in the rain.
• I’ve hugged a stranger.
• I have kissed a stranger.
• I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
• I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
• I’ve sneaked out of my house.
• I am keeping a secret from the world.
• I’ve cheated while playing a game.
• I’ve cheated on a test.(back in my shool years,arab test! )
• I’ve run a red light.
• I’ve been suspended from school
• I’ve witnessed a crime.
• I’ve been in a fist fight.
• I’ve been arrested.
• I’ve passed out from drinking.
• I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
• I’ve smoked.
• I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
• I’ve eaten mushrooms. (errr do u mean magic mushrooms?)
• I’ve popped E.
• I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
• I’ve done hard drugs.
• I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
• I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
• I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
• I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
• I shut others out when I’m depressed.
• I take anti-depressants.
• I have been anorexic or bulimic.
• I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
• I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
• I’ve woken up crying.
• I’m afraid of dying.
• I hate funerals.
• I’ve seen someone dying.
• Someone close to me has committed suicide.
• I’ve planned my own suicide.
• I’ve attempted suicide.
• I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
• I own over 5 rap CDs.
• I own an iPod or MP3 player.
• I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
• I love high heels.(girls issue)
• I hate high heels.(sneakers for the world!)
• I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
• I collect comic books.

i sibuk la.

busy busy busy.
owh tapi still dalam kegilaan mengambil exam selang seminggu,i sempat lagi merayap pergi tgk wayang dan melakukan aktiviti rutin seorang yang bernama perempuan.

SHOPPING!

sapa yang x terliur kalo butik mempelam aka MANGO tempek sign sebesar2 alam 50%  off.
hampir terkeluar jugakla bijik mata i
miskin miskin jugak,tapi nafsu kena layannnnnnnnn. : P
tetambah kalo time2 sale nih, nafsu tinggi x ingat.
esok2 kalo x cukup duit nak beli tiket flight,
gigit jari jela nampaknya.

so dalam bnyk benda yang sale tuh,jatuh cintan la dgn dua beg di bawah.tapi apakan daya, ko tolong sedar diri yang ko tuh sengkek boleh x ejai?
so berpuas hati jela ngn beg bwh nih.
hadiah birthday dri k pia aka sunpyo yang telah dipilih sendiri. cun kan?
pilih sendrik,orang bayar.yes! heaven~

owh beg hijau yang telah merambangkan mataku.semoga ko dpt tuan yg best2. jgn bersedih sebab aku x memilikimu.huaaaaa~

haihhh,sapa x suka dpt hadiah best2 dari orang.
serius nak kena cari sugardaddy supaya boleh tlg support aktiviti meyumbang pembangunan ekonomi dunia .
ade sapa2 berminat?
boleh isi borang dibawah yer!

gembira.

aku rasa aku tahu kenapa blog nih bosan,
well sebab xdak arah tujuan...
haih but nway i dont really care much.
it is just a place,
another place to hide.

today i passed my dermatovereneology.alhamdulillah :)
gembira gembira gembira.